Dhriti Maharatna 16 - I understand it now...
I was in eighth grade when my sister was a high school junior. I was oblivious to high school life or stereotypes of high school—cliques, stress, academic pressure, and so forth. But watching from where I was, how my sister experienced everything so easily, it seemed great. She never really complained or at least didn't show how difficult it might have been. So, I went into high school with this overblown confidence, thinking, how bad could it be?
Then I met Crystal during my freshman year. Her locker was right next to mine, and since I lack the ability to shut up, we hit it off pretty quickly. Crystal was just the opposite of what I thought high school would be. She was always complaining about how much homework, how stressed she was, and how everything was impossible. I thought she was being dramatic initially. I mean, it couldn't be that bad. I remained in my bubble of denial for a while, thinking that I would simply glide through the year like my sister.
I was wrong. So, so, so extremely wrong.
Junior year materialized out of thin air and knocked me down hard. Now, suddenly, I was pulling all-nighters more than I ever thought possible. And I don't mean sleeping late...I mean getting zero hours of sleep and still trying to function the next day. I'm absolutely confident I've stunted my growth from pure exhaustion alone. The work appeared never-ending, and no degree of actual work I performed would ever appear adequate. For the first time in my life, I experienced what academic burnout truly felt like.
All this to say...this has definitely been the most challenging, exhausting year of my existence. No question about it. But here's the weird thing: whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, how school is treating me, I still respond "good." And I do mean it.
It's not that I'm pretending everything's fine when it isn't. It's more like… even though all along, it's just kind of been a disaster, there's been some kind of good beneath it. Some kind of growth I hadn't expected. I've pushed my brain in ways that I've never done before. I understand things more now, not just school stuff, but me stuff, people stuff, about what it is to do your best and not succeed, and then go anyway.
Through it all, with all the late nights and stress and uncertainty, I've actually been happy. My relationships with the people around me have been positive. I've become closer with some really great people, had real conversations, and have laughed a lot more than I expected. My school attitude has changed from "this should be easy" to "this is hard, but I can do this." And just that adjustment in itself has made a huge difference.
The year was insane, hectic, and crazy—and surprisingly, kind of beautiful. It wasn't easy. But it was real. And in some odd way, I'm thankful for that.
Hi Pearl, this is one more incredibly relatable blog I am reading from this week. I still remember how I felt as a kindergartener thinking about how scary middle school is. Pretty soon, I was in 7th grade during online school watching my sister experience junior year from right beside her. Even though it was online, it still looked incredibly daunting and my sister wouldn't stop complaining. Soon I got to junior year myself and it started off being just as bad as I thought it would be. I had a steady B+ in English for all of second semester and I was starting to feel overwhelmed by the workload. However, I eventually got through it and maintained a good work ethic allowing me to end with an A in the semester. Overall, I like that I can relate to your blog so much and I appreciate reading about your feelings.
ReplyDeleteHello Dhriti, this blog very much reflects my junior year experience as well. For me, junior year has all the red flags of an unpleasant school year, and yet it somehow feels worth it in the end. I like how you describe responding that you're "good" whenever someone asks you how school is going despite the stress as I had a similar experiences. At the end of each week, I would always tell myself that the next week would be better even when the current week was stressful -- I'm not sure if that was ever explicitly the case, but it was the hope that overcoming any challenge to come would feel satisfying that kept me going. Your description of junior year as "a disaster" with "some kind of good beneath it" is on point. I can't act like everything went as planned or that my grades meet the standards I would have had in years past or even that I was as happy and carefree as past year. Yet, like you said, "it was real."
ReplyDeleteThis is a bit of a deeper thought I had while reading your blog post, but maybe the reason behind the deeper relationships and joyous, shared moments that both of us have enjoyed in junior year is because we needed them to cope. In stressful times, we seek connection and mutual support to keep us going. When feeling overwhelmed and incapable as I and many others often did this year, people often seek reassurance through each other. I think we created more brighter, "realer" moments because we truly needed it this year. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and great job on this Blog Post!
Hi Dhriti! I had a lot of fun reading your blog and I thought it was really interesting. Hearing about your experiences with your older sister and how that distorted the truth of high school was interesting to hear because I, for one, have always heard about how challenging high school is, so I never believed in the fun high school experience that most other people believe in. Hearing on how you opinion on high school was influenced by your older sister is also fun to hear about because I am an older sister myself so I often wonder how my sister views high school due to my actions (I know that she definitely doesn’t think its easy though). Your mention on how junior year “knocked” you down hard and that you were pulling a lot of all nighters is so real since I found myself doing the same thing this year too (no wonder you skipped class so often). Your last paragraph really made me realize however just how right you are on how we were faced with some hard things but still managed to prevail and have fun with each other! I really loved having class and hanging out with you this year, you’re really skibidi, I hope I get classes with you next year!
ReplyDeleteHi Pearl, I really enjoyed reading your blog post this week. Your journey from seeing high school through a sister's calm experience to full force of junior year yourself was both so relatable and honest. I had very similar experience like when I was in 7th grade during online school I saw my sisters struggle through her junior ear and through this I was pretty scared but I all said the same time let it slide because I'm like that's a long way ahead I don't really need to think about it but then I realized how real and exhausting it can be when I got here and like going back to those memories I can completely relate it. I remember Getting stuck at a B plus in English but i worked it Off to get that note get that A. Thanks for sharing your experience it really made me feel less alone in mine.
ReplyDeleteHi Dhriti! I’m happy to say I got the reference for your title, and I wish that you’d recreated the photo you chose for your blog with a picture of yourself. Similar to you, I had an older sibling who went through American High School, however, it seems we had opposing experiences. While your sister was living her best life, mine was constantly in a state of insanity—staying up late, tears shed every now and then, screaming about grades. Good times! I think your description of Crystal fit my sibling quite well, actually. Despite what they went through, I was thinking maybe I’ll be better than them. After all, I had all of their advice and was prepared. Well, that’s what I thought at first. I can relate to your note about not getting to sleep often… or at all. I have never gone through an entire night without a wink of sleep before this year. It’s honestly a miracle I am able to get through school everyday with the few hours of sleep I always get. Some friends recently asked me to rank my years in highschool when we were studying at Suju’s. To their surprise, I ranked Junior year as my highest. Despite all the hardship and piles of work I had to endure, this year really was my favorite. I’ve grown a lot, like you, and I’m happy with all of the friendships I have built. I’m thankful for you, Dhriti.
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