Aruna Week 16 - The End.
When we think of memory, we often think long-term—the formative experiences which have shaped us, the joys that remind us why life is worth living, the mistakes we refuse to retread. But it is short-term memory that carries us through AP season.
Long-term memory is stronger than short-term memory, so the common advice is not to cram, but of course, we cram anyway. We may wish that we studied more or even spent a little while longer reviewing this one concept that unexpectedly appeared on the exam, but we cannot change the past.
All we can do is try to remember the concepts, the key terms, the rubrics. We overthink if we have time, simply panic if we don’t, and hope all the stress comes to something. And then we leave, relieved to be done. One exam down.
Over the coming weeks, we will forget.
Upon checking scores this summer, we will remember again.
My hope is, though, not to limit my memory to exam results or a final grade.
I hope I remember the ridiculous amount of writing, leaving school with cramped hands each 1-3-5 block day. I hope I remember first reviewing the sample RAP annotations, unable to comprehend how the tiny writing filling every corner of every page would become ours someday. I hope I remember speeding through books faster than any previous English class, memorizing every detail at a breakneck pace before the novel test. I hope I remember POAS—how overwhelming the notion of a 10-12 page paper was before I did it.
Across every AP class, we pored over prep books until the vocabulary words and formulas swam incoherently in our minds. We have stared at FRQs that made no sense, hoping that if we stare at them long enough, something would click. We have deftly navigated CollegeBoard’s convoluted writing style to find the surprisingly simple heart of a question.
Remember. Remember it all.
If you get the score you wanted, I hope memories flood back to you, that you celebrate not only the score but the hours of effort put into earning it. You wanted it, worked for it, and got it. But if you did not, I also hope the memories flood back, that you value the journey rather than just mourning the destination. Either way, during course signups last year, you knew APENG was hard. Yet you still stepped into that challenge and rose to it. Choosing to do something hard is inherently commendable, even if it doesn't pan out as expected.
So after all this is over, let's celebrate—not necessarily for doing well, but for doing. Not for being brilliant, but by being, because choosing to be here proves our brilliance. To me, the most important memory from APENG and junior year overall is simply that we chose the grind and followed through.
All this is to say that it’s been an honor to abuse my dominant writing hand alongside y’all. Congratulations on making it.
Aruna, this post really made me reflect, a lot of this reminded me of so many memories from this year that I hadn't thought about in a while. You did a great job summarizing the whole AP experience in such an honest and realistic way without getting too carried away. It led me to consider how much effort and labor we all put into these essays and tests and how far we've come, even when it didn't always appear that way at the moment. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your work this semester. It is always sharp, thoughtful, and grounded. You have a knack for articulating tough feelings in words without leaving it sounding weird and forced. Thanks for sharing this your raw and unfiltered thoughts, it’s a great reminder of everything we’ve been through together.
ReplyDeleteHi Aruna! This blog post was absolutely so sweet, and it is honestly crazy how we are almost done with our junior year of high school. I remember being a freshman and sophomore, dreading how junior year was going to be the end of me and how I would swamped with homework every day at school. However, looking back, this was the year where I was able to connect with so many of my peers and make new, valuable friendships. Of course, I admit that I am also a procrastinator, and before each test, I would be trying to cram the course materials, gaslighting myself that I actually understood the concepts. Sometimes it did work, but other times it did not. And that was definitely a lesson that struck me hard. In APENG, I'm honestly surprised with the amount of work we did over the year, and although at times I just did not want to do anything, I'm proud that we were all able to pull through the year and finish all the assignments. And the same goes for the other classes as well. When this school year ends, I will undoubtedly miss the classrooms, environments, teachers, and the memories we made during throughout the year.
ReplyDeleteHello Aruna! Reading your blog was an exhilarating experience. I’d be lying if I said I wasn't waiting for you to post your final blog, as your writing is always such a treat. Your first note about short-term and long-term memory gave me flashbacks to my recent AP Psychology Exam. It really is our short, working memory that allows us to traverse through exam season. Storing thoughts in our long-term memory is good, but of no use if we aren’t able to retrieve the information when the time comes. I really resonated with everything you said—about cramming, overthinking, and praying. It sums up my junior year experience. It’s true that one day, this year will just be a distant memory to us. All those sleepless nights, time spent worrying will feel so far away. However, even if so, it will be a core memory to me and marks the growth I have went through in high school. I hope the best for you, too, and thank you for being so brilliant!
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