Aruna Week 9: To Know Power, Look In the Mirror
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My thirteenth birthday was in March 2021. It’s strange, such a pivotal birthday during such an isolating period. A virus had brought the world to a halt. Economic struggle and political strife, learning loss and loneliness and despair—we didn’t ask for it, but it came for us, and we were helpless. We could lock ourselves in, stay six feet apart, and cancel any semblance of a plan upon testing positive; we could mildly mitigate the crisis, but the crisis would remain far longer than any of us could have hoped.
This is the time when I became a teenager.
I see adolescence as a time of simultaneous power and powerlessness. It is easy to feel helpless in the face of responsibilities that feel heavy, but I also feel more in charge of my life than ever.
I turned thirteen during the pandemic, which definitely leaned toward the “powerlessness” end. But even when confined to my home, so many doors opened. The pandemic led to so much self-discovery—I realized that I loved being alone, but I also missed the vibrance of a school community, and I would never take that for granted again. And my parents finally gave up on trying to restrict my internet usage, making the pandemic a time when I could explore new interests and start becoming my own person apart from family.
The teenage years work a lot like that, I’ve found. I continually gain more freedom and discover myself in new ways, but self-doubt and uncertainty remains. The feelings of incapability—if I can barely manage my current workload, how will I survive with adult responsibilities? There are so many life skills I don’t know; how could I learn those in time?
As my seventeenth birthday approaches, I realize that my adolescence is coming to a close. Yet some of the most important decisions I will make loom ominously in the distance. I think and rethink my career, still unclear about my identity and what choices would benefit me the most.
But I’m grateful to make those choices, and I would never relinquish that for anything.
This winter break, I read John Green’s Looking for Alaska, which I highly recommend. There was a specific quote that stuck with me, that I think conveys my point better than my words could: "When adults say, 'Teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are."
It’s easy to forget how much power we have and have proven to have through all the challenges we have been through. Having power over one’s life is about freedom and agency, yes, but it is also about resilience and wisdom, and teenagers contain more of those qualities than we get credit for.
It’s something I try to remind myself, and want to continue reminding myself in the couple years to come.
Hi Aruna, this blog definitely seemed really powerful to me because I think its an experience that we can all relate to on some level. I turned 13 during January of 2021 which was also a time of isolation. While this disheartened me because I couldn't spend it with my friends, I also enjoyed the freedom of the teenage years while being at home. Similar to you, I was finally able to use my laptop without parental restrictions on it and that made me feel an incredible power of freedom. However, I didn't really feel too many other differences in my life after I became a teenager because there was so much of the world I couldn't see yet because I was cooped up in my home. So, it's great that you still got to feel the joy of turning 13 even if you couldn't exercise it in the real world. The quote you included at the end there was really powerful and it says so much about the way adults see teenagers and how we see ourselves. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your blog because of how relatable it was for all of us.
ReplyDeleteHi Aruna! Your blog really made me reflect on how important these past few years were in shaping our identities, as we all had to deal with the world that was freshly submerged in the chaos of the pandemic while trying to navigate that period of limbo between childhood and adulthood. I think it's so wonderful that in the midst of the pandemic, you were still able to make the most of it, using it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your interests. I love that you brought up a lot of the uncertainty that begins to fester during our teenage years, as it is something that I feel we all try to hide away even while those thoughts perpetually gnaw at us in the back of our minds. Overall, I think you've captured the magic of the teenage years, both the good and bad, truly preserving the authentic experience.
ReplyDeleteHi Aruna! I can definitely relate to you about "learning towards the 'powerlessness' end" during the pandemic, as we all had to isolate ourselves from each other, but I also agree how it led to "so much self-discovery." I vividly remember how during the most pivotal time of when we grow, socialize, and connect with others, we were forced to confine ourselves within our own walls, unable to physically share or bond with our peers. I personally found it quite mentally and emotionally challenging having to suddenly not see my friends for a long period of time, but like you, I also discovered new things about myself that I might not have otherwise explored. Spending so much time at home pushed me to explore new hobbies and reflect on what truly matters to me, even though the uncertainty of that time felt overwhelming. I found the quote that you mentioned near the end of your blog to deeply resonate with me, as it reinforces the strength and invincibility that is often overlooked in youth. Sometimes, we forget that we have just started living our lives, and as teenagers, we are not limited to the few opportunities we may see right now; there will be many doors for us to open in the coming future, and we just need to trust ourselves to open them. I really enjoyed reading your blog, as it was very interesting to read, and I look forward to reading more in the coming weeks!
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